Shop Keeper

I gave this fit young bird a good seeing to last night
There again, I am a CAT scan operator.

Fried eggs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

The best part about being dumb is that it makes magic so much better

Even if I lose to a girl, I still beat them.

Can a shoe box?
No…but a tin can.

When I was younger I used to be a problem child; I just couldn’t get enough of solving mathematical riddles with lateral thinking.

I just sliced my finger open trying to take the battery out of my phone.
Cutting edge technology.

I’ve just found out that a ‘hand shandy’ isn’t really a drink.
Needless to say, the bar-maid got a good tip.

An Office World truck ploughed into my car me last week, killing my son in the back seat, giving me severe whiplash and leaving my motor totally written off. Now, to add insult to injury it looks like I’m going to be held responsible for the accident despite the fact he drove into the back of me.
The woman I spoke to at my insurance company said that there’s a clause in the smallprint on my policy that says that I’ll be held liable for any crash with a stationery vehicle.

Anywhere I touch on my body leaves an imprint; and lately, it’s been really getting me down.
The Doctor’s diagnosed me with depression.